Happy Healthy Christmas

Myth: Christmas is the happiest time of the year.
Reality: For many, it’s stressful and exhausting. For others, it can be lonely and isolated.

Let’s see what we can do to change that.

A condensed version of this article was published in the Brooklyn Tattler Dec 2024. There is no Tattler in January but we still wrote an article for you – “Tips for a relaxing Wellington Staycation“.

The Reason for the Season

Before we even start to think about how to have the Christmas we want, we need to know what that is. What does Christmas mean to you? Not what it has been in the past, as that may be less than ideal, but how would you like your day (or the whole season) to be?

A celebration of your faith
A time for family to come together (immediate family, or extended family?)
A time of rest and rejuvenation
Party month!
All of the above
Or something else completely

As we go on to talk about the various issues that might arise, keep your goals in mind. If something doesn’t fit in with those goals, can it be avoided or changed?

Exhaustion / Overwhem

So much to do and not enough time!

Being organised well ahead of time helps a lot, but sometimes we can’t do it all. To avoid burning out, so we can enjoy the season, we may have to let go of how we think things should be, and choose to do less. Make time to sit down, list what you need to do, and then get ruthless.

What really needs to happen, what can be delegated, and what’s a nicety you could let go of, just for this year?

What expectations have been put upon you by somebody else, that don’t fit with the way you would like them to be?
What expectations have you put on yourself?
Do we need so many special Xmas foods on the table?
Can I buy less gifts?
Is putting up a tree and decorations a fun family occasion, or just one more exhausting job?
Do I need or want to go to every function I’m invited to?
If you like to send out Xmas cards or a family Xmas letter, can you send New Year ones instead and give yourself a bit of space?

Some words of wisdom from a colleague, Sarah Holloway: So much of the stress we feel at this time of year is us placing it on ourselves. Before you rush around and do everything for everyone – ask yourself this: Is this action coming from a place of love, or from a place of needing to prove my worthiness? Place your hand on your heart & repeat after me: I am loveable unconditionally. I do not need to prove my worthiness, ever. I do not need to stress myself out this Christmas season to prove anything to anyone.

One option, if the budget allows, is to go out for Xmas lunch. There are a lot of places in Wellington putting on a special meal for Xmas Day. Just think – no cooking, no clean up, and no leftovers that nobody wants.

Another area of overwhelm is knowing what to buy for the hard-to-buy-for people in our lives. Some ideas:

A gift card – yes this might seem like a cop out, but if it was you, would you rather have a gift card or something you don’t want?
A “voucher” for a service you can do for them – babysitting for an evening, making a home cooked meal for their freezer, some trips to the supermarket if they don’t have a car, or doing some other chore they hate for them
If it’s someone who is on a special diet, they will probably spend a lot of time preparing special meals for themselves. Have a look at our menu of special Xmas treats and see if there’s anything you can make for them.
Ask if there is anything they need or would like help with
More ideas below under Financial

For some other self help tools on coping with stress, see below under Emotional.

Isolation

The other side of the coin, nothing to do and nobody to see

Maybe you are alone at Christmas – family are in another city, and you can’t get there. Or you might not have family, and friends have their own families to celebrate with, or are going away.

Some people enjoy having a break from the usual routine and having a quiet day or two at Christmas. If that’s not you, you won’t be alone. There are many people who will be in the same situation.

Maybe you can:

Help out at a community lunch – a lot of towns and cities will have a free community lunch on Xmas Day. Maybe you can help serve food, volunteer to pick up people who need transport there or something else behind the scenes. In Wellington, the Aro Valley Community Centre (click on poster for more info) put on a lunch, and the Salvation Army deliver meals to people, for example.
If your idea of a blissful day is no people but some furry company, check with your local SPCA to see if you can help out. They are likely to need volunteers at the shelter, or may need people who can foster over the holidays.
Does your suburb have a community page? Ask if are there are any community activities on the day that you can help with. Or suggest a group get together if there are other locals with nothing to do.

If you have made a conscious choice to not spend time with family, because it’s unsafe, the day will have particular challenges for you. Go to our page on defusing Christmas Stress, and scroll down to the EFT video on this topic.

Grief

When you have lost someone dear to you, anniversaries and the times you were happiest are often the times you are at your saddest. Especially if this is your first Christmas without your loved one.

In Wellington, Harbour City Funeral Homes understand how hard it can be, and host a service of remembrance. You can attend live at Old St Paul’s Cathedral, or join in online. There is a free bus from their Hutt Valley chapels, but bookings are essential.

UPDATE 2025: This year, 2025, it’s on Friday 12th December at 6.30pm. See their website for more information.

Financial

Extra demands when money may already be short

Culling your To Do list might already save you money.

Maria Garcia, from Getting Organized Now, recently sent out a list of Ways to Gift without Breaking the Bank, which included:

Make gifts instead of buying eg bake something delicious or create a memory scrapbook
Shop your house & re-gift thoughtfully
Give experience gifts
DIY gift baskets
Give the gift of time
Shop thrift and vintage stores or the sales early
Consider group gifts
Gift cards for local favorites
Buy in bulk

A game changer for us was the Xmas present game. We buy for the children, but not the 15+ adults. Instead we each buy 2 secret Santa gifts worth $20 (this could be less) which go in a pile on the floor. We draw to see who starts first. That person is first for round 1, and last for round 2. Person 1 picks a present, and unwraps it. Person 2 can choose a new gift, or pinch person 1’s gift and person 1 draws again. Person 3 has two gifts and the pile to choose from. As we go round the room, some gifts change hands several times, and there’s a lot of hilarity. At the end of round 1, those presents are now safe, and we go back the other way. At the end, there’s usually some swapping to keep everyone happy. One rule – always contribute something you know at least one person will like. In our family, $20 packs of scratchies are popular, and least favoured is boxes of chocolates.

Or simpler, but not as much fun, is a Secret Santa where each person buys for just one other person.

Family

Sometimes there are major family issues that come to the fore at this time of year. If that’s your situation, move on down to the next section – how to deal with emotional issues you can’t change.

Or there may be some lesser stress around how the family Christmas looks now, compared to how it used to be. When you were a child, was a Christmas a huge celebration with extended family and loads of rellies? Were you an only child with no close relatives, and just you and your parents? Or did you have a single parent who struggled to make the day special for you and your siblings? Was it a fun day or was it stressful? These will affect how you see and react to the season.

It’s a natural progression for Christmas to change as we go through different stages of life.

As a young adult, you may want to spend part of your days with close friends.
When you find a life partner, there will be choices to be made about whose family you see on Christmas Day. If they are in the same area, can you see one family on Christmas Day, and the other on Boxing Day or Christmas Eve? Otherwise, do you alternate years?
When you have children, if you still have an extended family celebration, this can be a wonderful time for your children. But there may come a time when you want to have a special day just with your immediate family. Maybe there is stress within the wider family that you want to protect your children from. Or you would need to travel, and that’s not practical.
If you become a grandparent, you may want to have three generations with you on the day. But as time goes on, the families may scatter and live in different cities.

When making choices about who you want to spend time with, yes, we want to take other people’s feelings into consideration. But in the end, for the well being of your family, you may need to put yourself first. What feels safe? What feels right?

In an extended family situation, there may be some discomforts based more around not having much in common. How do you have a pleasant day with people you don’t see very often, and don’t know what to say to?

Maria from Get Organised Now comes to the rescue again with the idea of a conversation topic jar. If the jar idea seems a little stilted, or something your family wouldn’t go for, you can always just memorise the topics and pull them out more casually if conversation flags. Or maybe make your own christmas crackers and include conversation starters instead of corny jokes.

Emotional

Family problems rearing their ugly heads, or just reducing the overload

There are lots of different ways to manage our emotions. Some will help calm us in the moment. Others have the potential to get to the root of the problem and resolve it permanently.

You may already be using some of them, such as:

Prayer
Meditation
Yoga or Tai Chi
Getting away for a short walk outside
Using some relaxing essential oils, such as orange (Read our full article on essential oils here and scroll down to the new section on holiday gatherings)

More of them are covered in our article on how to defuse Christmas (or anytime) stress:

A trio of tricks for stress “First Aid”
Emotional Freedom Technique
Ho’oponopono

Food

The challenge of healthy eating

It’s not always easy to maintain your health goals with the temptations of delicious foods that might not be healthy for you, or just too much. Your choice might be between having to eat things that are not suitable, or making something yummy to take to any party, and on Xmas Day.

It’s difficult enough for anybody to eat sensibly over Xmas, but if you have special needs of any kind it’s even harder. Or maybe you are catering for somebody on a special diet and don’t know what to make for them.

Maybe you want to make healthy Xmas gifts for family or friends, but are low on ideas.

We’ve put together a range of different Christmas food ideas for you to check out. Most of them are low in added sugar, and hopefully there is something there for whatever dietary plan you need to cater for – Paleo, vegetarian, gluten free, dairy free, starch free or just wanting to try something a bit different.

Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it. Happy holidays for those who don’t. See you in 2025.